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Why Putting Your Own Oxygen Mask On First Is Actually Good For Your Family

The first time that I was on an aircraft and heard “in the case of an emergency put your own oxygen mask on first” I was shocked. This sounded really selfish and counterintuitive to me. Instinctively I have always had the urge to help others, put the needs of my friends and family above my own. Self sacrifice, so I thought, was simply a fact of life – an act of love. Years on, and many life lessons learnt, I realise how misguided I was – confused about the difference between selfishness and self-love. My willingness to put my own needs last was in fact more of a symptom of my lack of love and respect for myself than it was a reflection of my love and respect for others.

Then along came motherhood = more love to give, higher demands on my time, less sleep and energy. As my youngest child now turns 20 I find myself in a different phase of my life. Yes there is still plenty to do as I juggle home, work commitments, accounts, garden, family, friends and animals. If I’m not careful I can still easily find myself falling into a state of overwhelm (something that I have had years of practise at). Only these days I have discovered the importance of my health and energy and how that impacts my loved ones.

Some of this learning came through self help books and webinars, but mostly it came from observation of my own life and those closest to me. As my self -love has grown and I have set aside time to work on my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing, I actually feel like I have more to give – not less. Love to me is not like a cake – only a limited amount to share so that the more people there are the less there is to go around. Love is more like warmth in a room. The more people there are, the warmer it is. This served me well as mother/step-mother in a blended family situation. Yes, it would have been easy to see that as my family grew that there was less time, love, energy. But in fact, if you allow yourself to see it from a different perspective, there are more opportunities for love, learning and sharing.

The other lesson here is about how showing your love by doing everything for your family not only leaves you exhausted but can also ultimately be disempowering for them. One of our most important roles as parents is enabling our children to be independent. Every time we do something for them we are teaching them that we are better, faster and smarter than them. So encourage them to get involved with what you are doing. Yes it will take you longer, but seeing tasks through their eyes and watching them learn and evolve will be time well spent.

Set aside “me time”. Diary it in or it simply won’t happen. Maybe you and a friend can take turns minding each others children once a week so you can do something that lights you up, keeps you connected to things you were passionate about before motherhood. Don’t be tempted to use this time to catch up on the housework. It is very easy to get lost in the “doing” of life and forget who we are. Expand your mind by reading, go for a swim, get out into nature. Choose something that is hard to do with the family in tow – perhaps something that you miss.

Remember you are a vital member of your family. Take care of yourself. Role model self care. Choose to make yourself a priority. Put your own oxygen mask on first and enjoy the benefits to you & your family.

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6 Easy Action Steps For Cleaner Eating in 2019

New Year tends to be a time when we evaluate the past year and look at what we can improve in our lives. This January is a great time to start or continue making your health one of your top priorities for the year.

What we eat has a huge effect on not only our physical but also our emotional wellbeing, so let us start by taking a closer look at this. You will be surprised that by just tweaking things here and there we can make a huge improvement to our health and vitality.

  1. FOOD =FUEL.   Somehow we seem to have forgotten that the purpose of food is to  nourish our bodies.  Instead of focusing on what foods sustain our  bodies, we make choices based on how much pleasure they bring us.  We even refer to sugary foods and alcohol (known to have negative  effects on our constitutions) as “treats”.  It’s time to train ourselves out of this habit!  If you want to treat yourself with food / drink instead  buy something special – dark chocolate, kombucha or organic blueberries maybe. It is interesting that we wouldn’t dream of putting dirty or contaminated fuel into our cars, but don’t think twice about reaching for that ice cream cone or bottle of wine. And anyway – good, fresh food tastes great. There is nothing like a fresh bowl of strawberries or fresh peas from the pod. Sweet and jam packed full of goodness. It doesn’t have to be healthy vs delicious – it can be both.
  2. FOOD FOR YOUR FOCUS AREA  We live in a time when we have access to so much information (some of it conflicting) on nutrition that it can be overwhelming. This makes it difficult to know where to start, so sometimes we don’t start. “Too hard?” – it doesn’t have to be. It doesn’t matter where we start…it just matters that we do! That we take back control of our own health. The we have the energy to not just endure life but to truly enjoy it! So have a wee think (don’t overcomplicate it) about what aspects of your health you would like to shine the spotlight on. Do you have issues with allergies, suffer from depression, wake up tired every morning, struggle getting enough sleep? Then do some quick research on the internet (again don’t get too bogged down with this step). As our example today lets look at “detoxing” as our focus for the week (or maybe after the excesses of the Christmas break it should be for the month!) . Here is a list of foods to CHOOSE from…almonds, walnuts, apples, watermelon, pineapple, citrus fruits, blueberries, asparagus, celery, avocado, kale, beets, red capsicum, broccoli, cucumber, eggs, poultry and fish. Flavour meals with garlic, turmeric and ginger. Buy the best quality you can afford, preferably organic and/or locally grown. Now weed out anything you don’t love (for me asparagus, celery and kale would come off this list). Now how about the what to AVOID list. This includes wheat, grains, dairy, sugar, vege oils, processed foods, GMO foods and alcohol. Now you don’t have to be a saint about this…simply have more from the CHOOSE list and less from the AVOID list. You are on your way!
  3.   MENU PLANNING IS YOUR FRIEND Yes, I know life is busy, but honestly, taking time out to do this will  save you time in your week.  Less trips to the market or having to duck out for “fast food” because you are feeling uninspired about what to cook for tea. Add to that the fact that you are consciously choosing healthful meals, you will soon find the benefit in this habit. Once you have your list of foods for your focus area, simply use these ingredients as the basis for your meals. Again going with the detoxing model and the lists above your breakfast might change from toast and cereal to fresh fruit or eggs. Lunches could be based around fresh salads and  evening meals salad with chicken, salmon or a lovely quiche. Keep some almonds and blueberries about for those in between meal snacks. Delve into your recipes (or the internet) for inspiration and soon you will have a stock of meals that can be rotated for variety.    
  4. SHOP SMART  I have this theory. Sticking to healthy eating is less to do with willpower and more to do with great decision making. When I need to detox, my body lets me know by alerting me to serious cravings for more sweet food – especially chocolate. Luckily I live in the country – far enough away from any supermarkets or dairies that I can’t just duck out to buy that stuff on a whim! So for me, it all starts with the weekly supermarket shop. With menu planning this is achievable – so less temptation if I keep the market visits down. Make a shopping list based from your CHOOSE food list and your menu plan and stick to it. Try to avoid the “treat” on the way through the checkout. Remember you are treating your body to clean fuel so you have more energy to do the things you love! What better “treat” could you have? Buy as close to natural as you can. Fresh is best and be aware of what fruits and vegetables are seasonal. Grow your own food where you can (this can be achieved even in small spaces by growing veges in pots and micro greens on your kitchen windowsill). Your best shopping venues are farmers markets and orchard shops. When supermarket shopping, try to stick to the perimeter of the building, because that is where the fresh food is stored. Read labels. A book / app I use to identify what chemicals are okay and which to avoid is The Chemical Maze. This is not necessary, however do read labels and google anything you are not sure about. Its about making informed decisions. A good rule of thumb is if there are more than 5 ingredients or you need a chemistry degree to read the label – avoid like the plague!
  5. MINDFUL EATING Mindful eating is about making conscious decisions about what you are eating, savouring it, and observing the effect it has on your body. It starts with choosing the ingredients for the meal, the way in which you prepare it and your observations from there. Preparing a meal for yourself and your family is an act of love. This is especially true if you have already chosen ingredients with the intent of healing with food. I find that following a menu plan takes the brain strain out of meal prep and enhances my enjoyment of the process. Whenever I get a compliment on a meal I have prepared I remember that making it with love is my secret sauce. Remember to savour your food. Chew well – the recommendation for optimal gut health is until it is the consistency of soup. Enjoy the flavours in your mouth. I like to challenge my family to guessing ingredients if I have tried something new. It’s fun and gives them a heightened awareness of the flavours. I especially love getting feedback about new recipes or food combos I have tried, allowing me to decide if its a keeper or needs tweaking in any way. The next step from here is keeping a meal diary. This is especially important if you are suffering symptoms of digestion issues or allergies. Simply noting down what you eat and recording each day how you feel, you can often see patterns around which foods may be upsetting your system. I also find that if you are trying to loose weight or eat more healthy, you probably won’t eat that third chocolate biscuit if you have to own up to it by writing it down. This works even better if you have someone that you share your food diary info with!
  6. GIVE IT A BREAK  Your digestive system has a busy schedule and requires a lot of energy to pull nutrients from your food, bind toxins to the fibre and prepare the waste products for elimination. Like us it can suffer from being overwhelmed and responds well to some well earned rest. The recommendation is to try to have a rest form eating somewhere between 12-16 hours every night. That means if you didn’t have dinner until 8pm try and hold off breakfast until after 8am. If you have early morning starts then plan to have your last meal earlier in the evening. For best results, fitting all your meals into an 8 hour period is suggested. This could work by having breakfast at 10am and dinner by 6pm, so totally doable with a bit of planning. The other thing to remember is that your digestion doesn’t work very well when you are under stress.  When you body has switched over to “flight/fight mode” it doesn’t consider your digestion as an essential service. So, relax and enjoy your meals. Try to avoid eating on the run or watching the evening news while you eat. Slow the process down, enjoy good company and celebrate the effort you have made to nourish your body.                                             

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Beating The Blues

Life can be tough – even overwhelming at times.  This time of year is always the busiest for me. Annual accounts for our farm and business are due in (usually overdue), we are lambing (which I love but is extra work).  To add to that last years lambs have been sold, the cottage (that we rent out through AirBnB and holiday houses is slow). All of these external factors have the potential to make my life more stressful and putting me on edge and more reactive.  In the last few years, I have learned how my thoughts create my feelings and therefore how I have an element of control over my mood (and therefore happiness). Like anything it takes practise, and is by no means a cure-all. Depression and grief can be deep-seated and often need the help of trained professionals. However, my hope is that you find some of these ideas helpful or that you feel inspired to create your own ways of lifting the blues.

Connect With Nature

Take any opportunity you can to immerse yourself in sunlight. Eat your lunch outside, schedule any outdoor chores in the middle of the day when you can enjoy the warmth. Use the shorter days as an excuse to watch the sunset, hold a bonfire (or at least brazier), wrap up warm and star gaze.

Create a Joy List

This is a great rainy day activity. Set aside some time to write down anything and everything that makes you happy… big and small. A fun activity in itself, it is great to do it with a friend or family member. Compare your lists and schedule in some time together doing things that you have in common on your lists! I had no idea before I tried this just how much of an impact this would have on my happiness. Now when I do things from my list I feel immersed in the joy of the activity. Now you have a list of things to do to lift you up when you are feeling down! It may be as simple as a lovely cup of tea, reading, or picking flowers for the house. Try to do at least one thing from the list every day.

Playlists

Music can be very moving and so is a great tool for manipulating your mood. Even the most mundane tasks can become fun with a great soundtrack playing in the background (something that makes you sing and boogie about). Make up playlists for different situations: relaxing for bedtime or whenever you need to wind down, a party list for when you need a pick me up, favourite songs from your youth that have you reminiscing about happy times, songs of hope, a roadtripping list… you get the picture.

Connect

Put away your laptops and phones and connect with yourself, nature, people and animals. We live in such a “connected” world, where there is constant interaction and stimulation via our devices. When my children were young I would sometimes have “powerless Sundays” when there would be no TV (I didn’t actually turn off the power). We would get out board games and spend the afternoon together. It is so easy to just keep checking things off the to do list. Connecting is something that seems to need more effort now than it used to. Make the effort!

Take Care of Your Body

I know it sounds simple, but we all too often slip into the habit of putting other people’s needs before our own. Time to put your needs at the top of your to-do list. Take some time to look at your lifestyle choices and recognise how they affect you both emotionally and physically. Check your nutrition. Are you eating the rainbow (veggies that is – not skittles!) or are you reaching for sweet treats and fast food? What about your hydration? Move your body (any way that makes you feel good!) What do you do for yourself when you know you are stressed? Make a plan – walk, talk to a friend, take a bath, read for pleasure, listen to music. How are you sleeping?  What about toxins in your food and environment? These put pressure on your liver and can affect your hormones. Are you listening to the subtle signals your body is giving you or do you just push on? The little niggles tend to become much louder screams if they are ignored. Check in with your body… how do I feel today? Is there anything I need to address? A headache is often a sign of dehydration, mouth ulcers of not enough sleep, and gout or thrush indicate your diet needs looking at.

Emotional Stocktake

We all have times in our lives when we feel low, but there are different depths and severity of sadness. The longer we go on barely in emotional survival mode, the harder it becomes to pick ourselves up. Even on good days we need to remind ourselves of the positive things in our lives (we all have those too). Writing in a  gratitude journal every morning is a great habit to begin. It starts your day off looking at what is right in your life and not what is wrong. When negative feelings do surface, allow them to come – cry, yell, sigh – then breathe, reset and move on. Talk to someone you trust that is a good listener. Surround yourself with positive images (photos that portray great memories around your home and as screensavers). Be aware of what thoughts, people, situations, images, and music make you feel good and those that make you feel bad. Now plan to avoid the negative ones and surround yourself with as much feel-good stuff as you can. Just make sure that the feel-good that you’re reaching for doesn’t have any adverse effects on you or others (drugs, alcohol, sugar). Be kind – think “how would I help a friend that needs TLC?” Now do that for yourself or ask someone to help you.

Strengthen Your Sense Of Belonging

We are all ingrained with a need to belong, but not all people are our people. Recognise this. Not everyone will love you and that is okay, because you don’t love everyone either! In this modern world of facebook and instagram we no longer seem satisfied with just having a handful of great friends. You can’t please everyone, so don’t waste your time trying. Be authentic. Who are you? What do you love to do? Join classes or groups where you will meet like-minded people with similar interests (see your Joy List for inspiration). Volunteer for a charity that appeals to you. This helps you to feel valued and it feels good to help others. Invite people to your home. Don’t wait until your house looks perfect. People remember your hospitality, not the dirty dishes in your sink.

Life is too short to be miserable. Take positive steps to live a happier life. Invite in gratitude, enjoy the sunshine, stop to smell the roses. Make great choices. Every minute, every second, is an opportunity to shine, to rise above, to be the best version of yourself that you can be. Spring is here!