“The one constant in life is change”. It is an inevitable part of our experience. No-one is immune. Sometimes the changes are something that we have chosen, and sometimes life throws us some curveballs. The interesting thing about that is, regardless of wether we have instigated the change or not, our brains register anything unfamiliar as stress. Knowing that and understanding why this happens, can help us to be gentler on ourselves (and others).
The amygdala is a cluster of brain cells that determines whether a sound, image or body sensation is perceived as a threat. It is a primal part of our brain that exists to keep us safe. I like to think of it as my Meerkat friend, always on the lookout for anything that might cause me harm. The trouble is, that if we are experiencing something that is new for us, whether we are in physical danger or not, our brain perceives it as a potential problem and puts us on high alert (aka stressed!). The assumption it makes is that if you have experienced something before and survived, then it must be safe. In the absence of a similar enough experience for you to compare it with, it defaults to DANGER DANGER! This engages our central nervous system, which signals hormones preparing us to fight, take off at high speed or freeze. The process has the intention of prolonging our survival but there is a price to pay. If we are stressed over something that is not life threatening and is prolonged then, the consequences for us physically and emotionally are profound. Of course if our life is in danger there are parts of our bodies that become suddenly less important. Our energy is diverted to our arms and legs and away from body processes that are not considered necessary for our survival (eg: our digestive and reproductive systems!) You may feel always switched on and so have difficulty sleeping, have heart palpitations and difficulty digesting food. Over time these all conspire against your body, but you can take steps to reset this process. The key is to recognise it for what it is and prioritise your needs: relaxation, good quality nutrition, hydration and sleep.
How heightened our stress response is can depend on the area of our life that is affected. If the Big Five areas of life are altered – Health / Money / Career / Relationships / Spirituality, chances are we are really feeling it! And often changes can affect us on several of these fronts at once. Consider having a baby for a moment, no doubting that it affects the mother physically (changes in hormones, energy, body image and maybe even recovery from surgery), but also the areas of money, career and relationships may take a hit. No matter how wanted and loved the new baby is and how prepared and well set up the family are for the new addition – it is a lot to deal with.
The other thing to consider is, if your bucket is pretty full already (you have a lot going on, especially if you are processing grief), then it doesn’t take much to have you feeling overwhelmed. Things that you used to take in your stride may suddenly become a major issue for you. This is a time to be particularly gentle with yourself. Give yourself both the permission and time to process your feelings.
Another amazing way to help you to reset is to acknowledge the source of the stress. Name it. Ponder it. Is it possible that there is an opportunity to look at it from a different perspective? Can you identify an opportunity amidst the difficulty? Some great questions to ask yourself are “what would I like to be experiencing?”, “what is important about that for me?” and “what good things might happen as a result?” Answering these questions can help you to decide on an action to take. Taking action helps you to feel more in control and less at the mercy of the situation.
There is a silver lining to us feeling the pressures of life. Sometimes it can be the catalyst to make some much needed amendments to the way that we live life our life. An unexpected diagnosis could be just the prompt we needed to make our health a priority in our lives. If everything were to stay the same (stagnant) then we are not pushed to make changes. Can you consider that your circumstances are happening for you, rather than to you? Can you find a way to embrace change and even thank it for the lesson? Is t possible to find and focus on the blessings?
Don’t forget to reach out to others. You are not alone. Connect with somebody that you trust. Speak your truth. Allow yourself to feel vulnerable. Open yourself up to the possibility of new perspectives, new ways to solve problems, new ways to becoming more empowered and even transformed.
